1. Connect – with friends, family, neighbours
2. Keep active – walk, run, play
3. Take notice – of the world around you
4. Keep Learning – set yourself a learning challenge
5. Give back – participate in your community and do something nice for someone

According to limited research, bisexual people have higher levels of mental health and drug and alcohol abuse problems. Bivisible Bristol offers the chance to meet people in a community that you are part of, to connect with new friends, to leave your house (!), to learn new perspectives on life and potentially help other people who are in the same situation as you. Attending Bivisible Bristol helps to keep it going and help the people in Bivisible Towers feel loved.

So cancel whatever you normally do that stops you coming on a Thursday, or just get off that sofa and come visit us on Stokes Croft.

Love to all xx

Bivisible Bristol is meeting tonight, as usual, Cafe Kino from 7pm til close (9.30pm). This time Jessica is away on holiday and you will be left in the capable hands of the amazing Nic, so come one, come all, it’s the first of the month so new people are most welcome.

Thursday February 23rd is the next meet, same time, same place.

If you’re waiting for the next Greedy, it’s a way off yet (will I advertise in time??) on Tuesday 20th March.

Thanks all, see you soon!!

I don’t disagree with Dan and am not going to criticise, he is not being biphobic with his comments and the video is from a Q&A in a college where he is put on the spot to answer questions. However it has triggered my imagination and indignation, so here is a little commentary.

From my personal experience I know (and from polls on this blog as well as BiCon stats etc.) that just as many bisexual people disappear into the ‘homosexual assumption’ as they do into the ‘heterosexual assumption’. Just because Dan can’t see the disappearing bisexuals doesn’t mean they aren’t all around him in his world too. For the gay community there is an assumption that if you are participating in that community you are in some respects ‘out’, at least to other members of that community if not to family etc. There is a feeling that if you are straight, then that is perceived by society as the norm and if you are not straight there is a need to disprove assumptions people may make by exhibiting ‘not straight’ behaviour. Participating in the gay community is one way of being ‘not straight’. Dan thinks there are very few bi people in the gay community, because he has assumed that everyone can be ‘out’ in gay circles and if people are bi then they should have no fear of saying so. Of course, sadly this is simply not the case for bisexual people because both the gay and straight worlds make assumptions that everyone else is just like them. Biphobia or bi erasure exists with all human beings, whether gay or straight or bi themselves.

This brings us then to the idea that bisexual people need a community of their own, such as has happened with the gay community, to foster solidarity & safety and also show the assuming population that bisexuality is something very real.

In bisexual commentaries there is much talk of a seeming lack of bisexual community, the complex reasons for this (one of the major ones being gender diversity), the undeniable advantages and disadvantages to this state of affairs etc. I will leave you to research and engage in these conversations yourselves.

However, as a bisexual activist in 2012 I have noticed that, to my surprise, there is indeed a bisexual community. In fact there is not just one but many. They simply take a while to find.

Thanks to the internet there ARE resources for bisexual people. My ‘bi stuff’ book mark folder has several links in there that are specifically UK based and there are many world wide. It’s true there might not be enough to educate the world, to end monosexual assumption by the person on the street, but there is more than enough to reassure the individual bisexual that they are not alone. As part of these resources one can find that, thanks to tireless volunteers, most major UK cities have a bi group and there is a national, annual, three day bisexual festival, known as BiCon . There is a print magazine, Bi Community News and even bi networks of academics and activists fighting for all things bi. This is the first community I found as a newly out bi person and it is a fantastic and supportive one.

However, lately, I’ve noticed another bisexual community. This one is more secret, and I’ve found it by being open and honest about being bi. The more I shout about being bi, the more I find out that existing friends are also bi and the more other bi people who I didn’t know before make their way to me. This is a community that has taken much longer to access but it is local and infinitely exciting/rewarding to discover. It is in this community that the benefits of bisexual diversity are really apparent. The range of ages, genders & creeds makes this community look and feel very diverse, and therefore strong.

And there is yet another layer of bis I have uncovered. As a bi activist, I think bi thoughts quite a lot of the time and try to hang out with bi people a lot. As a result, I have somehow managed to develop a bi-dar. With said bi-dar I have discovered those bi people who are very careful not to let on that they are bi, but stay true to themselves by holding the principle that if asked directly, they will give a truthful answer. This strategy serves them well since, with monosexual assumption so prevalent, no-one ever asks them directly. I think this strategy is most often used by bisexual men, who seem to have a different experience under patriarchy than do bisexual women. It has been very enjoyable to get a strange feeling from someone and ask them directly, ‘are you bi?’ and see the conflict on the person’s face. The courage to stick to principles has won out in the few times I’ve asked it and they’ve admitted to being bi. This kind of bi would never go to a bi meet, or a bi club night, they just see themselves as ‘open to experiences’. Luckily, they don’t need to go to meets or be out in any way – I still know they’re bi, because I’m bi too.

And this is the secret bi world to which the title of this post alludes. There is no bi handshake, no bi language (like Polari), you cannot tell just by looking if someone is bi. And yet, given a measure of connection and conversation, it is possible to eventually ask if someone is bi. The more out you are as a bi person, the more likely it is you’ll find that people answer ‘yes’ to your question.

This is a very human, very beautiful way to find other bi people and build your own, secret, bi world.

To come back to Dan’s comment that bi people disappear in the straight world: I’ve recently hoped to make all of my current and future partners bisexual, because it feels easier & more relaxed to be with someone who understands me. So far, this desire has become a reality since my bisexual world has become more and more broad, with plenty of people to choose from. So perhaps it goes further than Dan could imagine.

Bisexual people do not disappear into the straight world, they don’t disappear into the gay world. Whatever the gender of their partner (which can be so much more than opposite/same gender) bisexual people only disappear from the monosexual world, we’re over here in the bisexual world, and it being secret & invisible just makes it more amazing.

Found in ‘Bisexual Horizons’ by The Off Pink Collective, kindly lent to me by Bivisible member Nic, from the essay ‘Passing: Pain or Privilege?’ by Naomi Tucker

Am I really bi?

It’s a question bi people ask themselves more than once. I personally felt I had come to being bi from an almost purely intellectual standpoint. My education had provided me with key ideas, for example that our society has a powerful influence on our beliefs. Also that we don’t know why people are gay, it could be genes, but on top of that the world around us can do much to influence expression of genetics. The idea that we live in a patriarchy, that human beings exist in a highly complex social world, that everything we know to be real might all just be in our minds.

Anyway, one day I read a book that said ‘women are socialised to allow men sexual access to their bodies, but not women’. Though the author was advocating intimacy between heterosexual women, I couldn’t help thinking “I do only allow men sexual access to me, why not women?” From which thought I realised I didn’t look at women as sexual beings. Why not? Because I’ve been socialised that way? So I thought I’d give it a go. I started to look at women specifically when I was out and about on the street. I asked, are women attractive? Would I enjoy sexual contact with them?

The answer seemed to be, well, yeah, why not? Obviously not all women, but I can appreciate that women are beautiful and clever and amazing, just like men. It would be somewhat different to having sex with a man, but hey, surely it could be fun?

I came out as bi not long after, and that was two years ago. I felt pretty shaky coming out even though I’d not *technically* had sexual contact with a girl. At the time it I felt like perhaps I was being similar to a political lesbian: my intellect, rather than instinct, being in control of the choice. I don’t think I’d've noticed women in any other way, I felt there was not a ‘natural’ upsurge in me that just *made* me look at the occasional women and feel stirrings for her. Nonetheless, if I looked at women, whatever made me do it, and came to the ‘why not?’ conclusion then I was determined I was allowed to call myself bi.

Two years on, am I still an intellectual bi?

Of course these days I know I didn’t need to sleep with a girl to say I’m bi, because there are bis that are bi because of the relationship side of being with a person (not necessarily sex) and they don’t restrict themselves by gender, also that there are not just “men” and “women” but “intersex” and “trans” and a host of other genders and actually if you had to sleep with one of each gender it would take ages to be able to say you were bi!

Having said that, I have slept with three cis women and from that standpoint I’ve got some more practical experience alongside the intellectual theory.

I still feel that arriving at bi came from an intellectual place, but the other day I was thinking and talking about gender and relationships. As a bisexual feminist, I find it harder and harder to find any differences between people in terms of gender. For a while I started using attributes rather than genders (ie not: men do this, women do that) to describe things often saying: ‘masculinities’ and ‘femininities’. But the more I said this and observed my friends, the more these things also seemed absurd. Myself and my male friend were having a chat and we agreed that he has more femininities than I have and I probably have more masculinities. Where does that leave us when we observe that I am female and he is male?

Perhaps I hang out with lots of people whose personalities do not conform to their gender stereotype. I think it’s that I try to be friends with people who have a strong sense of self and are happy to express themselves in any way they see fit.

Even our genitals are the same! In terms of erogenous zones, men and women have all the same things except for one small detail: having an “inny” or an “outty”.

When I am close friends with someone I get to the stage where I want to express my affection in a physical manner, including sexual contact, and I now find it slightly strange when people demur because I am the wrong gender for them. And it’s the fact that I now find such a thing absurd that I’m wondering if this is the ‘natural’ feeling that people get when they say, “of course I’m gay/straight, I just know it.”

After two years of thinking of myself as bi, and making an effort to observe all people (not just men) in terms of their attractiveness to me, regardless of gender, it seems my ‘natural’ reactions have caught up with my intellectual thoughts. I ‘naturally’, in an instant, feel-it-in-my-gut kind of way, find people attractive based on themselves, not on their gender and I find it pretty strange when other people don’t.

I feel as if I might have ‘trained’ myself this way, but I think all pubescent children have to train themselves to give a direction to their sexual energies. I feel like I’m just completing the process.

If it was a purely intellectual exercise, though, could everyone do it? I don’t know. I’ve known some pretty intellectually honest people experiment with relationships/sexual contact with a non-preferred gender and, while happy with the experience, simply do not want to try it again. They’re sure.

So perhaps that’s where the ‘instinctual’ bi is in me: yes I trained myself, a rather intellectual process, but I enjoyed it enough to do it again. And again and again and again.

(Click the meet-ups tab for more details!)

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Come join us for a drink, a chat and a dance at new venue, The Queen Shilling, 9 Frogmore Street, Bristol BS1 5NA

We’ll have exclusive use of the venue, free juke box for music, intimate space for chatting and full use of the dance floor.

The staff at QS are super friendly and dedicated to their ‘no attitude’ policy. What’s more, they’ve said we can come back bi-monthly in the new year!

The night is for everyone who thinks there might be more to the world than just straight or gay.

Bi friendly, drinks, laughter, dancing… it’s time to feel Greedy!

just a reminder that it is Bivisible Bristol tonight, 7pm, Cafe Kino on Stokes Croft, BS1 3RU.

It is the second Thursday of the month where we particularly welcome new members, so if you’re coming for the first time, you are most welcome. We will have a tin of Quality Street on our table so that you can find us.

We’ll of course be engaging in the usual chit chat but if everyone feels up for it I have a bit of news about the following things:

Shoutout Radio – how it went (from Jess & Nic)

Greedy – next steps, hopefully with Queen Shilling

Bi Community News magazine subscription – I need your money!

Educational Action Challenging Homophobia – group who give talks to people about homophobia and trnasphobia have asked if we’d like to have them talk at one of our meetings. Perhaps we can tell them something too, about how biphobia can be different to homophobia.

See you there!